Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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