the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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