lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
