I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
