please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
