my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She said her name was "party"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize