You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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