i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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