Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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