i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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