if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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