so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
