I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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