why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
