YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
