I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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