paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i came on her dog
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
