I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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