I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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