I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
