i need an iv and a liver transplant
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
