i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
