Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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