he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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