At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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