I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
