You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
