....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
