Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
