Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
