Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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