i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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