we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
