i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
