I'm jealous of your bromance
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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