i need an iv and a liver transplant
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
