i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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