yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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