Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
