I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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