guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
