Only a mothe r could love this liver
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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