im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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