when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize