I have demons in me.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Randomize
