there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
