Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
