dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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