At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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