This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
