I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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