I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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