Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
