apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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