You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
