Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
