Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
