john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
