just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
