Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
