hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
