last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
