you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
