Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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