He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize