Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
