Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize