if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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