Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
