i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
two words...techno handjob
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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