I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
