just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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